Spirituality
Spiritual revelations do not arrive from thinking long & hard about Divinity. They come through silencing our thoughts, moving our ego out of the way, and opening up to the quiet, mysterious, spiritual realm that is always here with us. The world of soul is here and now, superimposed and woven through the world of the five sense. It doesn't take belief. It is Reality itself. You must only learn to see beyond the veils.
“There is another world, but it is in this one."
–W.B. Yeats
Spirituality
Spiritual revelations do not arrive from thinking long & hard about Divinity. They come through silencing our thoughts, moving our ego out of the way, and opening up to the quiet, mysterious, spiritual realm that is always here with us. The world of soul is here and now, superimposed and woven through the world of the five sense. It doesn't take belief. It is Reality itself. You must only learn to see beyond the veils.
“There is another world, but it is in this one."
–W.B. Yeats
Spirituality
Spiritual revelations do not arrive from thinking long & hard about Divinity. They come through silencing our thoughts, moving our ego out of the way, and opening up to the quiet, mysterious, spiritual realm that is always here with us. The world of soul is here and now, superimposed and woven through the world of the five sense. It doesn't take belief. It is Reality itself. You must only learn to see beyond the veils.
“There is another world, but it is in this one."
–W.B. Yeats
Healing
Healing occurs in the mind, heart, spirit, and body. Any system of self-improvement that does not address all of these essential components of the human being is lacking. I believe this so strongly I’ll repeat it: Any attempt to heal only one aspect of yourself without addressing the others, will ultimately lead to imbalance and unhappiness.
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Why SOar?
Although birds aren't the only creatures or creations known to soar (dragons, rockets, arrows, & angels are other favorites,) the bird - in many cultures - is an ancient symbol of freedom and liberation of the spirit.
I started drawing birds on a remote jungle island during a Chiric Sanango dieta with my trusted shamanic teacher. I am not an artist, but I'd purchased a sketchbook & a set of colored pencils to bring along on my journey, since most of the three weeks I'd be on the island would be spent in nature, alone and technology-free.
I use the word "alone" quite loosely because the tropical paradise surrounding me teemed with colorful, melodic, nourishing life! Between meditations with Chiric Sanango during the day and Ayahuasca ceremonies at night, I sat outside my room on a hill of lush, green grass admiring the vibrant island plants and wildlife.
How blissful those days were! The gentle wind, the rustling palms, the rows of banana trees sloping down toward the vast, blue ocean. And the birds - so many birds! I filled an entire sketchbook with their likenesses. Drawing as a form of meditation became my favorite way to pass the time.
The first bird I drew was a hummingbird, which reminded me of home. My backyard in Las Vegas was a sanctuary for Costa, Broad-tailed, Calliope, & Black-chinned hummingbirds. Shortly after I finished the drawing, my teacher appeared at my door and presented me breakfast, alongside my morning dose of Chiric Sanango. The medicine left a tingling sensation on my lips followed by the felt presence of a benevolent plant-spirit circulating through my body.
I'd recently discovered that I was born in the year of the rooster, and that in Eastern philosophies the rooster symbolizes courage, bravery, a clear mindset, abundance, and the coming of luck & love. In Christian theology, the rooster is depicted as a symbol of Christ; he represents solar symbolism, that of light and resurrection - he announces the literal light that follows the night, the new life that follows death, and the spiritual re-birthing that follows an epic dark night of the soul.
With a significant birthday approaching and enormous change on the horizon, I wondered if the Banyan rooster was reminding me to honor & celebrate life as I entered this next decade of my journey. Or perhaps the heart in his beak was simply there to urge me to better love myself, to love myself surprisingly, profoundly, absurdly.
I sat at the breakfast table and gazed outside the window toward the trees. Pecking away at the grass underneath a Banyan tree was the resident rooster surrounded by his harem of hens and a Saffron Finch. Just yesterday, the rooster had showed up at my door and presented me with a small gift in his beak: a crystal heart-charm that he dropped at my feet before walking away. At first, I'd thought perhaps the heart had been his way of saying "thank you" for the apple slices I'd been sharing with him since I first arrived on the property, but then I couldn't help wondering if there wasn't a deeper message the rooster had for me.
As the effects of the Chiric Sanango took over, I moved my attention away from the window to the drawing of the hummingbird resting on my bed. I thought of my late Grandma Rose's house, once filled with pictures of birds. I hadn't understood them as a child, how something as simple and uneventful as a picture of a bird could be worthy of contemplation. I thought of how strong my Grandma Rose had been - a proud, Italian woman who lived most her life in a bungalow in Cicero, Chicago. Her husband had passed away from a heart attack, leaving her to raise three children alone. She supported her family as a seamstress at Saks Fifth Avenue. One day, while waiting for the bus to take her to work, a man grabbed at the purse on her arm. Instead of letting go, Grandma Rose held on, screaming Italian obscenities. She was dragged down the street for half a block before the perpetrator gave up and fled.
I cried over my empty breakfast bowl, once filled with oatmeal and papaya. I cried for my grandmother’s life and for her lovely photographs of birds, but I also cried because I felt how sad it would be after I died. Am I sad for me? I wondered. No, the sadness is not mine. I’m feeling the sadness the ones will feel who will be left alive. I felt them missing me. It was a strange emotion - to feel my worth by feeling the absence of my physical presence in the world. I realized that once I died, all that would remain of me would be my energy captured in memories and in all the small things I'd created & left behind. I recalled a trip I'd taken to Ojai to visit Krishnamuri's home. His energy had lingered in every room of the house, but it was his study that most overwhelmed me. It was filled with strong, intelligent, powerfully-loving, soulful energy. It hadn't dawned on me at the time that perhaps I, too, contained something that beautiful and lasting inside.
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I looked at the drawing of the hummingbird and felt my own sweet energy. It wasn't often I acknowledged my own energy. In fact, it felt so uncomfortable to love to myself in that moment that I stopped and, instead, began laughing. I laughed at the thoughts I'd been having about my death and the thought that others would miss me. I laughed at the fact that I'd just been appreciating myself so deeply. But soon I saw within my laughter its innate fallacy. Why was I so ashamed to appreciate and love myself? I was so un-accustomed to loving myself that it felt awkward and un-ordinary.
I stopped laughing and returned to feeling my own energy. I realized it felt much better to acknowledge my worth than to laugh the feeling away. I also realized that truly loving myself was a foreign concept to me. I needed to learn to give myself more love, more appreciation, more blessings.
Much of my time spent with Chiric Sanango was learning how to better love myself. I hadn't expected that. I'd expected my dieta to be filled with something much more...terrifying...something that took a heavier mental toll, something that required more of me, something that tore me to pieces in agony before reconstructing me again.
I don't have a fatalistic mindset. I was expecting a harder experience because so much of my shamanic work with entheogens over the past 12+ years had involved an array of emotional, spiritual, and psychological extremes. Whether entering alternate dimensions, examining difficult truths about my life, connecting to the matrix of all vegetal life on Earth, or being taken to the center of space to meet the architects of the entire cosmic orchestration, my journeys with sacred, healing plants have always been extreme. Blissfully so, as in the case with most of my Ayahuasca journeys, but also the opposite (thanks a lot, Iboga - and thanks a lot to the medicine man who gave everyone else 1 scoop of the Iboga root before giving me the 6-scoop "African initiation" dose.)
My life has been a series of deaths and resurrections. I love what the Sufi Saint & poet Rabia wrote:
“I died a thousand times before I died.”
Yes, me too. Sometimes at the cellular level; other times, it was a portion of my ego dissipating, or old habits and mindsets that were no longer serving my highest development. Sometimes the experiences were guided by my work with nature-based medicines & master plants: Ayahuasca, Wachuma, Peyote, Hapé, Psilocybin, Chiric Sanango, Iboga, powerful mixtures of Chinese herbs. Other times, the lessons on death and re-birth had nothing to do with plants at all: living in Morocco & the south of France while re-awakening my innermost Sufi heart, the absolute joy that comes from re-gaining one's health after a near-death experience, facing impermanence through the debilitating loss of a loved one, or gaining strength after being the victim of unwarranted aggression & assault. The culmination of those experiences and many others led me to believe that the process of transformation was always rather extreme.
That may have been why I was so deeply surprised that after a gentle, loving, non-extreme three weeks on a tropical island, I emerged from isolation just as greatly transformed as if I'd died & been re-born 100 times. Not only was suffering not a required variable in the equation of transformation, but neither was extravagance. Of course, the inner-alchemical process of radial self-evolution can certainly be either of those things, but it doesn't have to be. It can also be simple, nurturing, and easy.
When my Chiric Sananga dieta was officially over, and after the final Ayahuasca ceremony, I stood outside at 2 a.m. in an expanse of cool, wet grass on the property. The sky was cluttered with endless stars and whirling galaxies. One particular star-cluster quickly captured my attention. The cluster had a conscious presence - and that presence was speaking to me. It sent a message from above, telepathically:
Know we're here, in the sky, among the distant stars.
I asked a ridiculous question then. "Why did you choose me? Why did you choose to show me you exist - why did you choose me?"
Because you're here! the presence sent. You're now paying attention. We didn't choose you; you chose to perceive. We are always here, watching. The star-presence continued to hold me in its otherworldly energy. You are loved. You are so loved. You are so loved and protected.
I stood in the grass with the frogs chirping, geckos nestled at my feet, and the breath of the Earth in the form of the island wind embracing me. All of nature seemed to be reminding me that I was worthy of being loved.
The following morning, I woke early to prepare my room for my teacher's wife. She was meant to make a Skype call back to the States, and my room had a nice backdrop for the call. I lit some sage, palo santo, and dragon's breath to cleanse & protect the space for her. Then I tidied up all the eclectic odds and ends in the wooden bookcase against the wall. The bookcase had come filled with boardgames, books, children's toys, various pots & pans, dust balls, kleenex, spare sweaters, and random balls of socks. As I cleaned, something jostled free from a shelf and fluttered, face up, to the floor.
It was a card from a children's game, displaying an image of the rooster. Of course. My good 'ole friend, the cock. And on the card beside him, fluttering up from one of his wings, was my long-time lucky number: eight. A simple serendipity.
I finished tidying my room and opened the windows to let inside the breeze, and as the lace curtains billowed toward my bed, and the sound of rain pattered down against the leaves, the fluffy-white duvet & pile of pillows on my bed beckoned to me. I lay down and gazed outside to the palms, to the rows of banana trees, to all the vibrant, colorful birds, to the grassy expanse of green. And laying down on my cloud-bed with the smoke from the dragon's breath surrounding me, I was transported to an alternate realm for a life-changing journey.
I was suddenly no longer just in my room; I was also floating in the sky at the center of a slow-moving fog and a rainbow-array of colors. I was wearing all white, to blend in with the clouds, as they carried me on a breeze. And in this fantastical realm of comfort and peace, a dragon appeared to me.
I'd never met a dragon before. In fact, I'd never read or watched anything about dragons before. Aside from the Luck Dragon from the NeverEnding Story, and a friend's reference to a dragon from The Game of Thrones (which I'd never seen), I didn't have any concept of dragons or what they could mean. Later, I realized the dragon in my vision was the consort of the Buddhist deity, Quan-Yin - a Goddess I'd met in meditations before and had begun to build a relationship with.
As I floated through the clouds in my long, white dress, the dragon guide told me:
This smokey-fog is here to protect you. It protects you from dark energies. They can't find their way to you through this fog. When they enter it, they can't see anything.
I'd never thought of fog as a form of protection, but it was a gentle way to protect boundaries; there was no violence or harsh defense involved. Another reminder that there doesn't need to be "harsh-ness" in protection, change, or healing.
"But how do the good energies find me if I'm surrounded by fog?" I asked.
I will guide them to you, the dragon said.
I then saw myself in the same white dress, standing beside a healing bed in my meditation room at home. My hair was freshly washed and pulled away from my face. "Let me guide you to yourself," my smile seemed to say. An unknown client lay on the healing bed, and over his head rose: the image of a single strand of DNA, rotating & unlocking.
You can help others transform their DNA, the dragon said, and unlock their latent potential. There are no secret formulas. All one needs is a readiness to evolve as you hold the protective space for their revealing.
"What are my clients revealing?" I asked.
Their new selves, the dragon told me.
I'd been working for over a decade as a spiritual guide, couple's counselor, and facilitator of shamanic healings, but I felt I was now being called to step more fully into my power so I could better hold space for my clients during their processes of transformation. I felt ready to facilitate more intensive work, in an even more focused way: more Yoga Nidras, more medicine ceremonies, more delving into the psyche, more sacred meditations, more profound conversations & heart-openings. But in order to be able to give so much more, I would need less focal points. I would need to contain my offerings within longer, committed programs, and only for people who were ready to dive deep, look within, then soar exhilaratingly high.
To this day, I'm not sure what powers were at play upon me that morning. Was it the power of Ayauasca still in my system? The energy of the Chiric Sanango on which I'd been dieting? The sincerity of the love with which I'd prepared the room for my teacher's wife? Was it the sage, palo santo, and dragon's breath? The candles I'd lit on my bedside table? The Banyan rooster? The healing pod of dolphins I'd swam with in the ocean the morning before? Or perhaps it was the energy of the island itself, nurturing me? Or maybe all those forces wove together eloquently to unleash one of the most extraordinary afternoons I'd never imagined experiencing.
When I returned to the States, I started soaring. It had happened several times in my life before, but never with such clarity, joy, and grounded integration. Yes, it's possible to talk to dragons and be as grounded as a mountain. And I should note to those of you who may think I'm nuts at this point: I am well aware that all visions, realizations, and ethereal downloads could very well originate from inside the mind rather than from some mystical realm, but for the sake of the sweetness of this current story, I'm choosing to believe the stars do talk to me, as does Quan-Yin's dragon.
Over the eight months that followed my dieta, I cleared my life of the remaining obstacles that had been keeping me from total inner-freedom & peace. I also finished writing my novel, survived an evil case of COVID, began collaborating with two, powerful healers, traveled to Brazil for the fourth time to learn from the Yawanawa tribe, and manifested my Dharmic life partner... or perhaps he manifested me, and I was just ready to be found.
Either way, the beautiful experience of settling into a relationship with my Beloved was the final personal aspect of my life for me to align, before I was ready to put together the SOAR offering. I realize now that although the seed for the SOAR program was planted inside me while on the island, it wasn't until nearly five years later - and in the desert - that I was finally ready to present you with this offering.
Look how high my friend was able to leap off a simple rock. That's Keri, always soaring to new heights. How does she do it? She's an aerialist, for one. She also soars off snowy peaks in the winter on her snowboard, and over bumpy terrain on her mountain bike while exploring the wilds of the Pacific NW.
I was not able to leap off the rock as gracefully as my friend. I contemplated the Earth, my shadow, my feet in light & shadows, and the way my spirit felt entirely at home in the energy of Mt. Adams behind me.
I realize now that both qualities are necessary for growth: a fearlessness to leap upwards - and a fearlessness to dive inwards. In this program, we'll do both.
Contact me with your reason for reaching out, as well as any questions you have about my offerings. To note: although Jessica and I do have some upcoming availability for ceremonies, my personal guidance practice is full, and I am not taking new clients at this time. However, if you reach out with a detailed message, I can get back in touch when my schedule opens. Thank you!
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